Rebuilding Trust: How to Overcome Betrayal and Restore Trust

Shared on December 18, 2024

Introduction

Should trust be freely given?  What about after a betrayal:  Should trust be freely given after one betrays your trust?  In our study this week, we are going to be taking a look at the process of rebuilding trust.  

Trust is Freely Given?

Trust is central to our study this week so, we need to spend a few moments about what trust is.  Trust is built up off of faith.  When we think about trust we think about loyalty and the assurance of someone being there for us.  So, trust is also tied into love and commitment to another.

Should such trust be freely given away?  This question can be a conundrum for many believers.  Many of us are very hesitant to give away our trust as a means to protect ourselves from danger.  Yet, some of us take Jesus’ teaching that we are to love our neighbor and we”ll say that the opportunity for one to earn trust should be freely given (Matt. 22:37-39).

What I will add to such a thought is that one shouldn’t be foolish in those they choose to trust. As the proverb says, “the simple believes every word, but the prudent considers well his steps … the simple inherits folly, but the prudent are crowned with knowledge (Prov. 14:15,18).

So, trust can be incredibly complex.  For example, some are quicker to trust, while others, like myself, are prudent in who we choose to trust.  Some of us have different levels to the things that we will entrust to others!  So, again, turst can be incredibly complex, at least for some of others.

Now, when that trust is earned, what you do with it is incredibly important.  The last thing one ought to do is betray the trust of another.  Betraying the trust of another is to betray their love, faith, and commitment they have put into you.

The Return of Joseph’s Brothers

Our study this week picks up after the seven years of famine had begun.  Genesis 42:1-5, opens with Jacob sending all of his sons to buy grain in Egypt, except for Benjamin, and of course, Joseph wasn’t there to send.  Jacob feared something happening to Benjamin in Egypt and didn’t want to lose another son. 

Now, in Genesis 42:6-8, Joseph’s brothers arrive in Egypt and we will see where Joseph’s dreams come to fruition as his brothers bow before him.  Now, scripture tells us some incredibly important information in that Joseph recognized them but they didn’t recognize him.  

Here is a moment that, at minimum, was 20 years in the works as Joseph is now face to face with those that betrayed him.  Let’s not overlook the fact that Joseph’s brothers need his help!  So, how would Joseph handle this situation with those who essentially sold him into slavery?  What would you do?

Joseph Tests His Brothers

Genesis 42:7 tells us that Joseph chose to act as a stranger to them and spoke roughly to them.  Joseph accused them of being spies that came to spy on the famine in the land (Gen. 42:9).  Let’s be clear about this:  Joseph laid this charge against them with intent and purpose.  Joseph desired to see how they would respond to these accusations. 

Do you think Joseph was wrong for testing his brothers?  Let’s put ourselves in Joseph’s place for a quick second.  Joseph had been betrayed by them at least 20 years ago.  The character of betrayal is of great wickedness, right?  After not having seen them for at least 20 years, wouldn’t you want to know what they were about?

So they responded to the accusation of being spies by saying they were “honest men” that only wanted to buy some food (Gen. 42:10-11).  Now, we know this to be true but how would Joseph know that to be true?  Again, if we put ourselves in Joseph’s place, our eyebrows would be raised after hearing that.  

Could Joseph really take his brothers at their word, especially with the history they had with him?  Can you take someone at their word after they have betrayed you?  Such a level of trust, after a betrayal, has to be earned!

Working to Restore Trust

So, in Genesis 42:12-16, we’ll see that Joseph began to test his brother’s honesty.  Joseph is going to test their honesty as he desires to see Benjamin.  Since they told Joseph that Benjamin wasn’t with them, Joseph is testing their honesty by forcing them to bring Benjamin to Egypt (Gen. 42:19-20). 

Rebuke those that betray you  

Testing the word of those that have betrayed and lost trust should be commonplace for the child of God.  When Jesus taught about forgiveness, Jesus said that the one who has been wronged should rebuke the wrongdoer (Luke 17:3).  The act of restoring trust is about forgiveness!  As forgiveness must be earned, trust has to be earned back rather than freely given after an act of betrayal!

Why do I say that?  Well, the fact of the matter, especially for today, is that many people love to lie and to deceive.  Many love to also use and to abuse the trust of others.  When we freely give away our forgiveness – restoring someone back whole – without them earning it, we leave ourselves open to being used in an unhealthy manner.

Joseph had been betrayed before and he wasn’t going to let that happen again.  So, Joseph locked his brothers up for three days and then would let all of them, except for one, to return to get Benjamin (Gen. 42:19-20).  Again, Joseph is testing their words to see if their actions would match their words.

This was Joseph saying to them, ‘actions speak louder than words’.  If only some of us had the sense to understand this!  There are many people that love to speak words but never do what they say they will do.  There comes a time when we must stop listening to words and take a look at one’s actions.

An Honest Admission

Now, a very interesting moment takes place in Genesis 42:21-24.  Joseph’s brothers spoke amongst themselves speaking of how they were guilty concerning their brother.  They felt guilty about how they treated Joseph and what they did to him.

This was an admission that seemed rather spontaneous— something they may have never spoken of in such a manner before.  Let’s keep in mind that at minimum, it’s been 20 years since they sold Joseph away.  For twenty years they had not spoken to each other about what they did and had even kept the lie going that he had been killed.

It makes you wonder, what led them to spontaneously coming together and making this admission amongst each other.  I imagine it had something to do with them having to leave one of the brothers behind in Egypt as they returned to get Benjamin.  I imagine they likely had thoughts of uncertainty as to whether or not they would see the brother that would be left behind.

Reuben, rightfully so, called his brothers out saying to them, “Did I not speak to you saying, ‘Do not sin against the boy?’”  Reuben was absolutely in the right to feel this way.  All of them felt like this was a sin that God was now coming back around to punish them on.  God wasn’t necessarily punishing them but was teaching them.

The fact that they had actually made such an admission so spontaneously, actually shows that they were learning their lesson.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed it but this admission has also started the process of repentance.  You see, in a way, Joseph testing his brother’s honesty acted as a rebuke.

Think about it:  Joseph caused them to consider who they were by accusing them to be spies.  They were moved to admit that it was twelve of them altogether, but then they lied saying that one of them was no more.  This forced them to think about Joseph, especially with the thought that one of them may be lost to a strange man in Egypt.

Joseph, being nearby, could hear them speaking, and heard their admission (Gen. 42:23).  After hearing their admission, Joseph had to step away from them and weep.  You see, Joseph had heard an honest admission from his brothers and I imagine that was unexpected for him.  Joseph could see them in their regret, taking the first steps but they still needed to prove themselves.

So, we are going to end our study with Joseph taking Simeon and leaving his brothers to go to Canaan and return with Benjamin.  Joseph easily could have revealed himself in this moment and told them they didn’t have to get Benjamin.  However, these men still needed to prove their honesty to Joseph and that Benjamin was still living.

Trust must be fully earned.  Something that many of us struggle with is giving away our trust, our mercy, and forgiveness.  We do this because we believe it’s the right thing to do.  However, we often end up in an unhealthy situation when we give away our trust and freely forgive those who haven’t corrected themselves to earn our trust and forgiveness.  Sadly, some folks would take such loving mercy and abuse us.

So, I do believe that trust and forgiveness must also be earned, especially if it’s someone that has wronged us before.  We shouldn’t ever feel wrong with proceeding with caution when it comes to trusting people.